The Farce of Dzhokhar’s Face

“You talkin’ to me?”

Reddit today is abuzz with courtroom sketches taken at Dzhokhar Tsarnaev’s indictment, where he was charged with 30 counts of using a weapon of mass destruction (and plead not guilty to all of them). If that isn’t performance art, then check out these images of Guantanamo Gaga strutting his stuff in the halls of justice.

“Does this uniform make me look fat?”

“Am I Hawaiian?”

Now is it just me, or is Dzhokhar a total Khachiyan? Let me rephrase that in terms Kanye can understand: all us blacks look the same. In what is the most absurdist sketch of all, commentators have noted an uncanny resemblance to Michael Jackson during his “Thriller” and “Beat It” days. Or maybe even to “Night Stalker” Richard Ramirez. One person that he definitely couldn’t be confused for is Dzhokhar Tsarnaev. Granted, Dzhokhar, 19, is still growing and was recently shot multiple times in the neck and leg, which may explain why he looks kind of retarded DeNiro in one and gay Raskol’nikov in another. I mean, youth is pretty much the sum of those states, no?

But before the #FreeJahar people start reaching any favorable conclusions about the inconclusiveness of image data, let’s figure out why they had, like, sixteen different employees on retainer or why courtroom technology is so outmoded in the first place. Another reason for scandal is that the artists they hired are incompetent community college dropouts but, then again, they don’t look all that hopeless to me. The top image has an almost Childe Hassam quality to it. Maybe they should have gotten him to pose nude.

Well, it’s a good thing we all got our laughs out now before he disappears into the network of top-secret off-shore organ-harvesting facilities forever. Remember American Taliban John Walker Lindh? Yeah, me neither.

(Tip via Nina)


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